Step One: Aspect
Q: "What is the aspect of myself this person is
reflecting back to me?"
Try to see and understand the aspect of yourself that
the other person is reflecting back to you. They are
your mirror, reflecting an aspect of yourself through
their behavior. This step calls for brutal
self-honesty, but it's well worth the effort.
Sometimes, instead of reflecting an aspect of your
behavior, they are reflecting something you judge. An
example would be someone who steals from you. You may
not be a thief, but you may be judging theft or people
who are thieves.
Step Two: Gift
Q: "What is the gift this person is giving me by
playing their role?"
Ask for help so you can see and understand the gift
the other person is giving you by playing their role.
Step Three: Acceptance
Q: "Can I accept the role that this person has played,
along with their actions, to help me learn this
lesson?"
Acceptance is one of the four elements of
unconditional love. Acceptance is part of compassion
and is unconditional love in action. This also
includes acceptance of who the person is, without
judgment. You will find that if you are having a hard
time with this step you can clear it by remembering
they are a soul in a body, just like you, and you are
helping each other with a lesson.
Step Four: Allowance
Q: "Can I allow myself to let go of my anger towards
this person who played the role to help me learn the
lesson?"
Allowance is also one of the four elements of
unconditional love. Allowance is part of compassion
and is unconditional love in action. This includes
allowing the person to be who they are and to follow
their chosen path, regardless of how you feel about
it.
By the time you've reached this step, you'll find it
very easy to let go of anger towards the person,
because you are feeling the gratitude and compassion
that comes from seeing the pain they suffered in
playing their role for you.
On another note: Allowance is easier to do when we let
go of needing to control someone's behavior or choices
for their own good. We tend to control people out of
fear that their actions will hurt them/and or us. If
we understand that everything has a value, then we can
begin to release our need to control because we
understand that there will be a value in each and
every outcome.
Step Five: Release
Q: "Can I release this person from blame?"
This one is easy when you understand that you are not
a victim. On the contrary, you are an active
participant in a contract and lesson that you helped
set up.
Taking responsibility for your part in the contract
enables you to release the other person from blame for
the role they played to help you learn the lesson you
wanted to learn. You understand that just as you are
not a victim, nor are they a villain. And remember, it
is much harder to play the role of a villain than it
is to play the role of a hero.
Releasing someone from blame is different to forgiving
them. Forgiving someone is what we do when we feel
they have sinned against us, as in being victimized.
Release is the key element in the Formula. The release
is created by your compassion for the other person.
Step Six: Kindness
Q: "Now that I have released this person, can I be
kind to him/her, and if so, how can I do it and when
will I do it?"
At this point you may be feeling the intensity of the
release through the heart. The degree of the feeling
differs according to the emotional intensity of the
issue. The more emotionally charged the issue, the
more intense the release.
By now you will be filled with gratitude and
compassion after reaching this step and your only
thought is how to make amends and thank the other
person/s.
Now that you are feeling gratitude and compassion, by
releasing the other person from blame and anger, you
realize you can be kind to them. You are now ready for
completion.
The two parts of Completion are:
a) How will you show your kindness, and
b) When you will do it?
The degree of the release is relative to the emotional
intensity of the issue. The more emotionally charged
the issue, the more intense the release.
You will find this step to be quite emotional. Higher
understanding fills you with gratitude and compassion
and your only thought is how to make amends and thank
them. This is quite an empowering feeling.
Having released the other person from blame you can
now be kind and loving toward them, functioning as you
are from a level of gratitude and compassion . . .
otherwise known as a state of Grace. It's not
necessary for the other person to understand how you
reached this state of grace, all you need do is thank
them. Let them know you have learnt a valuable lesson
as a result of their interaction, and thank them for
helping you to gain a better understanding of who and
what you are.
Q: "What is the aspect of myself this person is
reflecting back to me?"
Try to see and understand the aspect of yourself that
the other person is reflecting back to you. They are
your mirror, reflecting an aspect of yourself through
their behavior. This step calls for brutal
self-honesty, but it's well worth the effort.
Sometimes, instead of reflecting an aspect of your
behavior, they are reflecting something you judge. An
example would be someone who steals from you. You may
not be a thief, but you may be judging theft or people
who are thieves.
Step Two: Gift
Q: "What is the gift this person is giving me by
playing their role?"
Ask for help so you can see and understand the gift
the other person is giving you by playing their role.
Step Three: Acceptance
Q: "Can I accept the role that this person has played,
along with their actions, to help me learn this
lesson?"
Acceptance is one of the four elements of
unconditional love. Acceptance is part of compassion
and is unconditional love in action. This also
includes acceptance of who the person is, without
judgment. You will find that if you are having a hard
time with this step you can clear it by remembering
they are a soul in a body, just like you, and you are
helping each other with a lesson.
Step Four: Allowance
Q: "Can I allow myself to let go of my anger towards
this person who played the role to help me learn the
lesson?"
Allowance is also one of the four elements of
unconditional love. Allowance is part of compassion
and is unconditional love in action. This includes
allowing the person to be who they are and to follow
their chosen path, regardless of how you feel about
it.
By the time you've reached this step, you'll find it
very easy to let go of anger towards the person,
because you are feeling the gratitude and compassion
that comes from seeing the pain they suffered in
playing their role for you.
On another note: Allowance is easier to do when we let
go of needing to control someone's behavior or choices
for their own good. We tend to control people out of
fear that their actions will hurt them/and or us. If
we understand that everything has a value, then we can
begin to release our need to control because we
understand that there will be a value in each and
every outcome.
Step Five: Release
Q: "Can I release this person from blame?"
This one is easy when you understand that you are not
a victim. On the contrary, you are an active
participant in a contract and lesson that you helped
set up.
Taking responsibility for your part in the contract
enables you to release the other person from blame for
the role they played to help you learn the lesson you
wanted to learn. You understand that just as you are
not a victim, nor are they a villain. And remember, it
is much harder to play the role of a villain than it
is to play the role of a hero.
Releasing someone from blame is different to forgiving
them. Forgiving someone is what we do when we feel
they have sinned against us, as in being victimized.
Release is the key element in the Formula. The release
is created by your compassion for the other person.
Step Six: Kindness
Q: "Now that I have released this person, can I be
kind to him/her, and if so, how can I do it and when
will I do it?"
At this point you may be feeling the intensity of the
release through the heart. The degree of the feeling
differs according to the emotional intensity of the
issue. The more emotionally charged the issue, the
more intense the release.
By now you will be filled with gratitude and
compassion after reaching this step and your only
thought is how to make amends and thank the other
person/s.
Now that you are feeling gratitude and compassion, by
releasing the other person from blame and anger, you
realize you can be kind to them. You are now ready for
completion.
The two parts of Completion are:
a) How will you show your kindness, and
b) When you will do it?
The degree of the release is relative to the emotional
intensity of the issue. The more emotionally charged
the issue, the more intense the release.
You will find this step to be quite emotional. Higher
understanding fills you with gratitude and compassion
and your only thought is how to make amends and thank
them. This is quite an empowering feeling.
Having released the other person from blame you can
now be kind and loving toward them, functioning as you
are from a level of gratitude and compassion . . .
otherwise known as a state of Grace. It's not
necessary for the other person to understand how you
reached this state of grace, all you need do is thank
them. Let them know you have learnt a valuable lesson
as a result of their interaction, and thank them for
helping you to gain a better understanding of who and
what you are.
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